Crush
by AmegakureAngel.sp
Summary: Butters realizes he has a crush.


All his life Butters thought it was normal. He'd grown up believing that one should naturally love their friends. It was common knowledge. Your friends were people that were close to you, important to you. Loving them, in a way, was like saying thanks for being there, for being around. Butters had always been especially grateful for that. He never liked being alone - he was appreciative of any company that would have him.

And so, he felt it natural to express his love to his friends. Hugs, cheek pecks, tummy pokes, shoulder pats, all of those things. He figured those actions were the best ways for him to show he cared, besides saying the words "I love you" flat out (which he'd also been known to do in the past, even to difficult people like Eric).

But for some reason, the other boys and girls around him always found his expressions of friendship odd. Butters hadn't a heckin' clue as to why, really, but for some reason or another, his actions had always been labeled as "queer". "Gay". "Faggy", if you will.

The guys had always been quite the jokesters so Butters had always figured those words were spoken out of jest, or good ol' friendly banter. Nothing more. He hadn't figured out until much later what the implications of those words truly were, and by then Butters hadn't had the energy to spare for the comments. He'd learned life was much easier if he ignored them rather then react and get all upset. Hecklers would be hecklers, and butters was secure enough with himself that those types of jabs held no weight in his eyes.

He simply loved his friends and that was that. It didn't make him any different, or change his sexuality in any way. It was all just platonic - his way of expressing his genuine appreciation for his friends.

He'd just finished a tutoring session with his best friend Kenny and had been gathering up his books when it happened: He'd heard one of the other tutors giggle something to her friend.

_"He definitely has a crush on Kenny."_

Butters had quirked a brow and stood up straight, turning to glance toward the two freshman. When they noticed that he'd overheard their gossiping they quieted up and quickly shuffled out of the room. Butters could hear their continued laughter as it faded down the hall. He stared at the back wall of the classroom for a moment before frowning and turning back to his books.

_A crush on Kenny? Where had they gotten that impression?_ Butters slowly worked at packing his book bag, the cogs in his head beginning to turn. He treated Kenny like anyone would treat a best friend... didn't he?

Saying hello, rubbing his back, packing him extra food... none of that seemed too strange. He'd started watching Kenny walk away more often... and he'd pecked him on the cheek a few times but that didn't count, right? He'd kissed Eric like that when he was 8 years old and he _sure_ didn't have a crush on Cartman. Then again, he hadn't kissed anyone else on the cheek since he was 11...

Butters began to mentally file through all his actions towards Kenny in the past few weeks, trying hard to pinpoint any possible "crushing" behavior.

It took Butters a long 10 minutes to sling on his backpack, turn off the lights, and walk down the hall and out of the school. He had a frown on his face the whole way, his brain chugging hard in his head.

_What constituted a crush, anyway?_

_Warm fuzzy feelings? Getting lost in thought at first glance? Hoping to see someone in every room you walk into? Dreams? Daydreams? Having someone in mind when getting dressed for the day, or going shopping? A sinking feeling when they hold hands with some girl? Pricks in the stomach when he laughs a little too long at a pretty girl's dumb joke, or stares a bit too long at the cheerleaders' skirts..._

Butters blinked, freezing at the end of the concrete sidewalk. He stood still at the icy curb. He gripped his backpack strap weekly, staring out at the road. His mother's car was nowhere in sight. Butters suddenly felt dizzy and sunk down to sit. He shivered. His breath came out in white clouds from his slightly open mouth.

_He had a crush on Kenny McCormick._ He'd had a crush on Kenny all along, and had never noticed. Worse yet, Butters had no clue what to do about it.


End file.
